EUDAIMONIA!! :)

Okay so I have been blessed with some awesome Sister In-laws! I have two of them.  One of my sister in laws, Aubrey, is a very educated woman who has a strong desire to follow the gospel and help women also to do that.  She has started this mentoring program entitled "Women of Wisdom". On Thursday she had a free presentation to kick off her quest to help women, in Greek words, Eudaimonia.  I learned this word in one of my classes this last semester and it has inspired me since. Eudaimonia is, in Aristotle's words, "Know thyself, be thyself, and share thyself." Her mentoring helps women realize their purpose and potential.

Anyway, so because I already understood this concept of finding who we are, I wasn't all too excited to go, sorry Aubrey! I have just been really overwhelmed with life, school, calling and my internship. But I went because I love my sister in law and she asked me to video her presentation, which is a way to get me to go  to ANYTHING (although I don't think that was her intentions :D ), and I LOVE any reason to use my camera! There was something that really stood out to me, that I am trying to apply, which is an attitude of gratitude. I am a pretty grateful person I would say, except maybe being grateful for my sister passing away (Sorry she is being talked about, but this is good, I promise!!!). After hearing her talk, I decided that I needed to add in my prayers what blessings I have seen because of my sister passing. I have been praying for blessings that came because of my sisters passing BUT I never showed that connection in my prayers, if that makes any sense at all.

I began doing that and I had a really cool experience about praying.

Steven and I pray every night together and we switch off every other night.  Last night, Friday, was my turn to say the prayer.  I was going to apply the gratitude card AND it was going to correlate with my sisters passing and I would acknowledge that in my prayer.

So here I was praying for all the blessings that I have been and while doing this, I don't know how the brain does this, but I began to multi-task in my head. One task was praying over the blessings and the other task was thinking how can I pray over these things because of  my sister's passing.  I mean I felt kind of guilty that I was being thankful, in a sense, for my sister passing away.  Not like hooray kind of thankful, but like a wow look where I have come because of this trial.  As I thought about this concept, (and still saying what I was thankful for out loud) I began to think of the grand scheme of things.  How this life on Earth is a VERY small moment, and although it might feel like eternity not having my sister with me, it's really just a second in God's time and in the time we will have together after this life. And that second without having Michelle will make the WORLD of a difference of what is going to happen after this life.  (I hope you are still following me). I began to be thankful for this life on Earth. That God has given me this opportunity on Earth to make my Eternal life, in Heaven, the greatest and most happiest experience, that no one on Earth can comprehend.  And I know that my life after this Earth life, will be with my sister and the many of the other people I love dearly.

THEN my thought turned to, OH MY!!!!! because I just realized, THIS LIFE ON EARTH AND THE DECISIONS I MAKE HERE ARE SO CRUCIAL!!! I suddenly was like I need to start making even better choice and being a better follower of Christ so that I can have that eternal happiness.  This life is such a short time and I need to make this life on Earth the best for me. By best I mean, becoming who my Father in Heaven wants me to be, and EXACTLY who he want me to be AND applying that word, Eudaimonia in my life.

I was wanting everyone to know, that I know that Christ lives and that he loves us.  I know that through His sacrifice ALL things will be made fair and that we can have Eternal Joy with our Father in Heaven.  I know that I will see my sister again and this short separation will make me become EXACTLY who God wants me to be.

Merry Christmas to my sweet Sister!

Well Christmas and New Years has come and gone, faster than any other year, and yet maybe slower than any other year.  Before Christmas I was beginning to feel strong again, of course still missing my sister but being able to hold things together.  But the week before going home I was feeling a little anxiety, maybe it was from finals, internship, my new YW callings, or  just life. I honestly hadn't thought too much about the fact that my dear sister, Michelle, would not physically be there for Christmas with our family.

We stay with Steven's family during the break, because he is allergic to animals, and everyone has animals in my family.  We are very blessed to have his family so close so that he won't have an allergic reactions to the animals.  Since that was the case we normally would visit my family and in the evenings return to his parents house.  I found myself nearly every time I visited my family crying in the car to my husband, who is a VERY good listener.  Between missing my sister like terrible and family life I found myself being emotional over the break.  I think what was the hardest is thinking my sister would be there, and each time, deep down inside, I would go to my parents I would anticipate her arrival.  You see my sister was the one to ALWAYS surprise us.  I remember when I came home from serving an LDS mission, my sister said to me that the finals were the same week that I arrived home from the mish.  She indicated that I wouldn't be able to see her until a week after! I knew I would be dying that entire week waiting for her!  I remember being at a store and my step dad turned me around and guess who I saw, my sister! She had totally made up this huge surprise and I was so so very happy to see her that I think I cried.  It was just awesome to see her!

Anyway, I think inside I kept thinking that very think would happen. She would come and give me this great surprise and we will be able to spend Christmas together with her.  But unfortunately, that wasn't the case.  It really was a difficult trip for me, much harder than I anticipated.

In an attempt to have what was lost, the entire break I worked on the my relationship with my only other sister, Meghan.  She is a great sister and I will always love her! But I think with the age gap I was unable to find such a thing.  I took her shopping, thinking that this would be an awesome opportunity to do what Michelle and I LOVEd to do together.  Sadly my little sister ended up hating me at the end of the shopping experience and crying because I told her she couldn't buy a mens 2XL sweater.  (For those who dont know she weights like 70 lbs.) It was a complete disaster and all I wanted was to fill that void in my life.  I often seek for friendship and other things which can be just that, a void filler.  Sadly I haven't found that friend.  All I want is to have a best girl friend again. I sure do miss that and miss her!

Steven says that I will never be able to find anything close to Michelle, because we had such a special bond.  Of course I agree, but I think it would be nice to have a dear friend who cares.  For all those reading, that have that one friend that knows you very well, besides your husband, cherish those people.  They are a blessing in your life.

My Sister still continue to be a blessing in my life.  Although she may not be here physically, I am still impacted by her.  I frequently think over the life that she lived and how much I want to be at her level.  How I have so much to work at to get to her level.  Is she the example to me of Christ like love.  She cared so much about people and she loved everyone, no matter what.  I want to have that love, just as the Savior.  I often think of her and how she has changed me for good and the better.  This song reminds me of what she has done for me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU.

Steven is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love him sooo much! I am so blessed to have him in my life, to provide me strength when I am down. If could not endure this trial with out him.  How blessed I am to have him, I know for that reason, God has a plan for me.