Why I got into Photography

I had a slow down at work, so I thought I would actually write a blog post in my non-photog blog! I am sure all of you are getting tried of my photography, but let me tell you, it has been such a wonderful gift. I feel that it is VERY important for all of you to know why I randomly got into Photography, and how love also got me there. :)

Where do I begin. As you all know, my sister passed away, Michelle. I am going to let you in where no one, accept me husband really knows i've been. Michelle is my twin sister and we couldn't have been a better team and better of friends. We knew EVERYTHING about each other and we experienced everything together. When Michelle passed away, something changed inside me, I still haven't figured out how to change it. The world I had once lived in could do me no harm and I would always love the people in it. I was wrong on May 22, 2012. It was and will ever remain the worst day of my life. That day Steven and I were set out to take bridals and I knew that my sister would be traveling. My husband and I had been out shopping in the morning. Upon my arrival home I received this message on my phone from Facebook, which was odd considering my phone didn't give me Facebook messages! It was a lady from my mission who said "Please Call there has been an accident" then left her phone number. She knew the girl who was driving with my sister to our wedding. I called and she told me that my friend, who was driving with my sister, was in the hospital but would be fine. She didn't know anything about Michelle. I called my parents, let them know and we called literally EVERYWHERE!! It was seriously the most emotional time calling people, because I wanted answers and they couldn't give them. Steven took over because my emotions were getting to me. Oh and at this point we cancelled our bridals.  Final we received some answer from a sheriff saying that they need to talk to my parent first, my heart sank, but I still felt hope. My brother then called me and words that melted my life away came out of his mouth. He said "Michelle is dead". I said Michael shut up this is serious!! and he said "No Michelle is dead, I would not lie about this". I must had threw the phone down and I literally felt my world crash and all I could do was scream to get everything out and hold my fiance at the time.

I later received many of Michelle's things, and one thing I wanted the most was her camera. I had NO IDEA why I wanted it so bad, maybe because she loved it, maybe because I well I have no idea. We received many of her things, among which was her camera. I played around with it and it was a lot of fun, although I had no idea what I was doing. For months and months I had been depressed (not sure if that is the right word). I couldn't seem to get out of it. I was praying harder and reading more trying to figure out how the atonement can heal me, how I could be happy again to my fullest that I once was.

My husband and I had grown so much over those past months, because I needed him so much. Another thing that brought us together was this camera of Michelle's. Steven has a love for film. He taught me EVERYTHING about how the camera was used and worked. That brought us even closer together.

Finally in August, a friends brother needed some pictures of his kids but couldn't afford paying for that. Since I had a camera I thought hey that would be neat and I did it for free. I had seriously SOOOOO much fun interacting with his children. When the time came that I gave him the pictures, he LOVED them!! He made his profile picture my picture and he shared my work and told me how he loved the pictures. I felt a happiness that was something I hadn't felt in a while. It brought joy to my heart to see others happy and take appreciate in my work, even if it wasn't that great. I mean he had his profile picture my picture!!!

Not only that but I felt a connection with my sister more than I had since she had passed away! I feel her when I take pictures I guess, is that doctrine? Probably not, but I guess since she loved it, I find I come closer to her.

Here is one of their pictures, I know not good, this was well over a year ago, but seriously I am posting this because it made me SOOO happy back then! Thank you Michael for letting me take these picture, thank you Leanna for suggesting it!

(Just a side note) The gospel and my husband been the BEST thing to help my overcome my challenges, but I believe that photography was a gift from God. I believe it with my heart.

I found so much happiness in that, that I asked a SUPER cute family in my ward to take their picture for free too!

See aren't they just adorable!!! And she made her profile picture my picture!!! I was LIKE WHAT??!!???!?! It made me so happy. Not only that but interacting with their family made me so happy! I think the fact that I was out of the house doing something, that is what helped me so much! She also was very pleased about the pictures. My husband thought I was the best photographer ever! I guess I felt meaning in life again and I just wanted to help people get pictures! Picture brought SOOO MUCH happiness into my life! 

Then I had my first paid gig! WHAT!! I could get paid to be happy and see others happy??? WOW! It was for the Lesa family! I coudn't believe it!!! (Thank you Leanna for having me take these!) This is about a year ago.

I have had 90 photo shoots since I started back in August of 2012! Most i've been paid for, some I just ask people if I could take pictures for them! Honestly I have been so grateful! I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who knows my struggles and knows exactly what to do to make me happy or in this case get out of the slumps of disappear. Don't get me wrong, I still have some really hard days missing my sister, sometimes I feel like it still shouldn't be this frequent. But I know with out a doubt I will see her happy face again and I know our relationship will be that much better. We will be together in the eternities making new memories!

I am so grateful for a wonderful husband who has never brought me so much happiness, helped me this much, and made me feel this important. He is seriously my best friend and I could have EVER survived this past year and a half with out him! Yes my sister has been passed away now for nearly a year and a half. It still makes me cry thinking about it. How I will miss her until I see her again. How grateful for the plan of salvation which gives me strength, because I am very weak!

Here are some pictures from this weekends photo shoot of Steven and I! I know my sister is with me every step of the way. She cares about what is going on in my life. I ma so thankful for my guardian angel! Miss you best friend!

EUDAIMONIA!! :)

Okay so I have been blessed with some awesome Sister In-laws! I have two of them.  One of my sister in laws, Aubrey, is a very educated woman who has a strong desire to follow the gospel and help women also to do that.  She has started this mentoring program entitled "Women of Wisdom". On Thursday she had a free presentation to kick off her quest to help women, in Greek words, Eudaimonia.  I learned this word in one of my classes this last semester and it has inspired me since. Eudaimonia is, in Aristotle's words, "Know thyself, be thyself, and share thyself." Her mentoring helps women realize their purpose and potential.

Anyway, so because I already understood this concept of finding who we are, I wasn't all too excited to go, sorry Aubrey! I have just been really overwhelmed with life, school, calling and my internship. But I went because I love my sister in law and she asked me to video her presentation, which is a way to get me to go  to ANYTHING (although I don't think that was her intentions :D ), and I LOVE any reason to use my camera! There was something that really stood out to me, that I am trying to apply, which is an attitude of gratitude. I am a pretty grateful person I would say, except maybe being grateful for my sister passing away (Sorry she is being talked about, but this is good, I promise!!!). After hearing her talk, I decided that I needed to add in my prayers what blessings I have seen because of my sister passing. I have been praying for blessings that came because of my sisters passing BUT I never showed that connection in my prayers, if that makes any sense at all.

I began doing that and I had a really cool experience about praying.

Steven and I pray every night together and we switch off every other night.  Last night, Friday, was my turn to say the prayer.  I was going to apply the gratitude card AND it was going to correlate with my sisters passing and I would acknowledge that in my prayer.

So here I was praying for all the blessings that I have been and while doing this, I don't know how the brain does this, but I began to multi-task in my head. One task was praying over the blessings and the other task was thinking how can I pray over these things because of  my sister's passing.  I mean I felt kind of guilty that I was being thankful, in a sense, for my sister passing away.  Not like hooray kind of thankful, but like a wow look where I have come because of this trial.  As I thought about this concept, (and still saying what I was thankful for out loud) I began to think of the grand scheme of things.  How this life on Earth is a VERY small moment, and although it might feel like eternity not having my sister with me, it's really just a second in God's time and in the time we will have together after this life. And that second without having Michelle will make the WORLD of a difference of what is going to happen after this life.  (I hope you are still following me). I began to be thankful for this life on Earth. That God has given me this opportunity on Earth to make my Eternal life, in Heaven, the greatest and most happiest experience, that no one on Earth can comprehend.  And I know that my life after this Earth life, will be with my sister and the many of the other people I love dearly.

THEN my thought turned to, OH MY!!!!! because I just realized, THIS LIFE ON EARTH AND THE DECISIONS I MAKE HERE ARE SO CRUCIAL!!! I suddenly was like I need to start making even better choice and being a better follower of Christ so that I can have that eternal happiness.  This life is such a short time and I need to make this life on Earth the best for me. By best I mean, becoming who my Father in Heaven wants me to be, and EXACTLY who he want me to be AND applying that word, Eudaimonia in my life.

I was wanting everyone to know, that I know that Christ lives and that he loves us.  I know that through His sacrifice ALL things will be made fair and that we can have Eternal Joy with our Father in Heaven.  I know that I will see my sister again and this short separation will make me become EXACTLY who God wants me to be.

Merry Christmas to my sweet Sister!

Well Christmas and New Years has come and gone, faster than any other year, and yet maybe slower than any other year.  Before Christmas I was beginning to feel strong again, of course still missing my sister but being able to hold things together.  But the week before going home I was feeling a little anxiety, maybe it was from finals, internship, my new YW callings, or  just life. I honestly hadn't thought too much about the fact that my dear sister, Michelle, would not physically be there for Christmas with our family.

We stay with Steven's family during the break, because he is allergic to animals, and everyone has animals in my family.  We are very blessed to have his family so close so that he won't have an allergic reactions to the animals.  Since that was the case we normally would visit my family and in the evenings return to his parents house.  I found myself nearly every time I visited my family crying in the car to my husband, who is a VERY good listener.  Between missing my sister like terrible and family life I found myself being emotional over the break.  I think what was the hardest is thinking my sister would be there, and each time, deep down inside, I would go to my parents I would anticipate her arrival.  You see my sister was the one to ALWAYS surprise us.  I remember when I came home from serving an LDS mission, my sister said to me that the finals were the same week that I arrived home from the mish.  She indicated that I wouldn't be able to see her until a week after! I knew I would be dying that entire week waiting for her!  I remember being at a store and my step dad turned me around and guess who I saw, my sister! She had totally made up this huge surprise and I was so so very happy to see her that I think I cried.  It was just awesome to see her!

Anyway, I think inside I kept thinking that very think would happen. She would come and give me this great surprise and we will be able to spend Christmas together with her.  But unfortunately, that wasn't the case.  It really was a difficult trip for me, much harder than I anticipated.

In an attempt to have what was lost, the entire break I worked on the my relationship with my only other sister, Meghan.  She is a great sister and I will always love her! But I think with the age gap I was unable to find such a thing.  I took her shopping, thinking that this would be an awesome opportunity to do what Michelle and I LOVEd to do together.  Sadly my little sister ended up hating me at the end of the shopping experience and crying because I told her she couldn't buy a mens 2XL sweater.  (For those who dont know she weights like 70 lbs.) It was a complete disaster and all I wanted was to fill that void in my life.  I often seek for friendship and other things which can be just that, a void filler.  Sadly I haven't found that friend.  All I want is to have a best girl friend again. I sure do miss that and miss her!

Steven says that I will never be able to find anything close to Michelle, because we had such a special bond.  Of course I agree, but I think it would be nice to have a dear friend who cares.  For all those reading, that have that one friend that knows you very well, besides your husband, cherish those people.  They are a blessing in your life.

My Sister still continue to be a blessing in my life.  Although she may not be here physically, I am still impacted by her.  I frequently think over the life that she lived and how much I want to be at her level.  How I have so much to work at to get to her level.  Is she the example to me of Christ like love.  She cared so much about people and she loved everyone, no matter what.  I want to have that love, just as the Savior.  I often think of her and how she has changed me for good and the better.  This song reminds me of what she has done for me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU.

Steven is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love him sooo much! I am so blessed to have him in my life, to provide me strength when I am down. If could not endure this trial with out him.  How blessed I am to have him, I know for that reason, God has a plan for me.

Birthday BOY!!!

Well today is Steven's birthday weekend!! He actually turns 23 this Monday and since monday is a day of working and no fun, I decided that I could celebrate a WHOLE weekend for him! First off friday we went to ZUPAS, which is one of mine and Steven's favorite places to eat. We spent it will some great friends, David and Emily. Then we went home and enjoyed some gingerbread house making! That was such a BLAST!

This is my Santa Mobile!

This is David's Ice skating rink thing. 

Emily did a great job at making it traditional!

Steven was creative and make an Igloo!

Today we had the opportunity to have a cake! I made it and slaved over it! That is love, certainly I think so. :) PS these pictures are from my phone.  I broke my lens on my camera... sooo I will be taking a break from that until we get a new one! :)

Then to top it off my little sister totally sang for Steven!

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Ain't she just the cutest!!

Don't worry there is more to come with the Birthday business! I mean after all it's a  birthday weekend!!

Love Lost, Love Gained

Since my sister past away, my life has change is so many ways. I feel that her passing has caused me to feel the way a man feels when he is sitting in the doctors office, at age 40, and finds out that he will be dying soon. This might sound a little funny but I have found that I have really embraced life and reevaluated what really matters most to me. It has been a long journey to say the least, in trying to determine what truly is important to me. I have learned that my family is a very important element in my life. In all honesty before my sister had passed away I truly felt as if she was the only one that could really be there for me, and the only one who cared enough to help me through every element in my life, even if that means sacrificing to help me out. Our sisterly love was something I have become more and more thankful and appreciative for. She has done so much for me and has given so much for my happiness. After she passed away I learned how to truly love people and especially my family. I mean I have always loved others and especially my family, they are my family after all. But by truly loving, I believe that means cherishing them and believing that they loved me back. (That is a terrible description but this is the best I can do). I began to see my family in a different light. My love for my family has grown exponentially! For onces I am just excited beyond all excitement to see my family when I come home from college. My excitement is to the amount where I think I might just burst from happiness. So even thought I have lost one person that meant the most to me, I have gained many relationships that I never thought to be where it is today. I want to explain that I am not implying that I hated my family, nor am I implying that they didn't care about me, on the contrary. I know that they have always loved me, but for some reason I just didn't see it the right way. And my sister passing away has helped me to open my eyes. And I will also admit I am sure my parents hearts have changed as well. This isn't a one way change at all. I truly do miss my sister but I know that God has plan. I know that part of God's plan is for her passing, as hard as it has been. I know that I will see her again and when I do get to see her, I think I will cry for dies on end. It will be the most joyous reuniting. I think if I am this excited to see my sister again, I can't image the feelings I will feel when I see my loving Savior again! I look forward to seeing them both! I might just cause a flood in heaven, or hopefully there will be a good draining system there. :)

My new Life

I decided that it was about time for me to write a blog, outside of my photography blog.  I got married to the man of my dreams May 25, 2012! It was one of the happiest but a very difficult day for me.  Just a few days before my wedding my sister, as she was driving up for our wedding, got in a car accident, which has changed my life FOREVER!!!

The sadness that I have felt, I cannot explain to you, but I know that this has been a time in which I have grown so much.

My wedding day was a very special day for me, I wasn't sure though how to act.  This was suppose to be the happiest day of my life but at the same time I was experience so much pain and sorrow.  I had decided the night before my wedding that I was going to make my day my day.  At first I thought that is so selfish how could I do that.  But I knew that if I had been sad, it wouldn't be the day that I have dreams for many years.

With the strength of the Lord I was able to find great strength in that day.  My mom helped me get ready, which was bitter sweet, considering Michelle should have been there also. But the Lord did strengthen me. My wedding day could have not been any better of a day.  I felt so beautiful and I was so happy to be marrying my best friend (who has brought me the greatest strength during this hard times).  Not only was that a great aspect, but so was the weather and the spirit that I had felt in the temple.  The the guy who was suppose to marry us (the sealer) spoke so many words which brought me comfort during that time. A spirit was in the temple that I cannot explain.  Maybe it was the spirit of my sisters presents, maybe it was the spirit of God, maybe both.  Needless to say it was wonderful.

Stepping out of the temple and seeing so many that I love, also brought me so much joy. I was so thankful to see some of my close friends like Virgil, Bethany, Lara, The Brownings, etc.

The Pink balloons represented my sister at my wedding. :)

I am so thankful that we were able to be married that day.  I am thankful that I have a loving Heavenly Father who cares so much for me.  I know that I find strength in Him.

More to come about my life and the things that have occurred!