Merry Christmas to my sweet Sister!

Well Christmas and New Years has come and gone, faster than any other year, and yet maybe slower than any other year.  Before Christmas I was beginning to feel strong again, of course still missing my sister but being able to hold things together.  But the week before going home I was feeling a little anxiety, maybe it was from finals, internship, my new YW callings, or  just life. I honestly hadn't thought too much about the fact that my dear sister, Michelle, would not physically be there for Christmas with our family.

We stay with Steven's family during the break, because he is allergic to animals, and everyone has animals in my family.  We are very blessed to have his family so close so that he won't have an allergic reactions to the animals.  Since that was the case we normally would visit my family and in the evenings return to his parents house.  I found myself nearly every time I visited my family crying in the car to my husband, who is a VERY good listener.  Between missing my sister like terrible and family life I found myself being emotional over the break.  I think what was the hardest is thinking my sister would be there, and each time, deep down inside, I would go to my parents I would anticipate her arrival.  You see my sister was the one to ALWAYS surprise us.  I remember when I came home from serving an LDS mission, my sister said to me that the finals were the same week that I arrived home from the mish.  She indicated that I wouldn't be able to see her until a week after! I knew I would be dying that entire week waiting for her!  I remember being at a store and my step dad turned me around and guess who I saw, my sister! She had totally made up this huge surprise and I was so so very happy to see her that I think I cried.  It was just awesome to see her!

Anyway, I think inside I kept thinking that very think would happen. She would come and give me this great surprise and we will be able to spend Christmas together with her.  But unfortunately, that wasn't the case.  It really was a difficult trip for me, much harder than I anticipated.

In an attempt to have what was lost, the entire break I worked on the my relationship with my only other sister, Meghan.  She is a great sister and I will always love her! But I think with the age gap I was unable to find such a thing.  I took her shopping, thinking that this would be an awesome opportunity to do what Michelle and I LOVEd to do together.  Sadly my little sister ended up hating me at the end of the shopping experience and crying because I told her she couldn't buy a mens 2XL sweater.  (For those who dont know she weights like 70 lbs.) It was a complete disaster and all I wanted was to fill that void in my life.  I often seek for friendship and other things which can be just that, a void filler.  Sadly I haven't found that friend.  All I want is to have a best girl friend again. I sure do miss that and miss her!

Steven says that I will never be able to find anything close to Michelle, because we had such a special bond.  Of course I agree, but I think it would be nice to have a dear friend who cares.  For all those reading, that have that one friend that knows you very well, besides your husband, cherish those people.  They are a blessing in your life.

My Sister still continue to be a blessing in my life.  Although she may not be here physically, I am still impacted by her.  I frequently think over the life that she lived and how much I want to be at her level.  How I have so much to work at to get to her level.  Is she the example to me of Christ like love.  She cared so much about people and she loved everyone, no matter what.  I want to have that love, just as the Savior.  I often think of her and how she has changed me for good and the better.  This song reminds me of what she has done for me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU.

Steven is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love him sooo much! I am so blessed to have him in my life, to provide me strength when I am down. If could not endure this trial with out him.  How blessed I am to have him, I know for that reason, God has a plan for me.