Where do I begin. As you all know, my sister passed away, Michelle. I am going to let you in where no one, accept me husband really knows i've been. Michelle is my twin sister and we couldn't have been a better team and better of friends. We knew EVERYTHING about each other and we experienced everything together. When Michelle passed away, something changed inside me, I still haven't figured out how to change it. The world I had once lived in could do me no harm and I would always love the people in it. I was wrong on May 22, 2012. It was and will ever remain the worst day of my life. That day Steven and I were set out to take bridals and I knew that my sister would be traveling. My husband and I had been out shopping in the morning. Upon my arrival home I received this message on my phone from Facebook, which was odd considering my phone didn't give me Facebook messages! It was a lady from my mission who said "Please Call there has been an accident" then left her phone number. She knew the girl who was driving with my sister to our wedding. I called and she told me that my friend, who was driving with my sister, was in the hospital but would be fine. She didn't know anything about Michelle. I called my parents, let them know and we called literally EVERYWHERE!! It was seriously the most emotional time calling people, because I wanted answers and they couldn't give them. Steven took over because my emotions were getting to me. Oh and at this point we cancelled our bridals. Final we received some answer from a sheriff saying that they need to talk to my parent first, my heart sank, but I still felt hope. My brother then called me and words that melted my life away came out of his mouth. He said "Michelle is dead". I said Michael shut up this is serious!! and he said "No Michelle is dead, I would not lie about this". I must had threw the phone down and I literally felt my world crash and all I could do was scream to get everything out and hold my fiance at the time.
I later received many of Michelle's things, and one thing I wanted the most was her camera. I had NO IDEA why I wanted it so bad, maybe because she loved it, maybe because I well I have no idea. We received many of her things, among which was her camera. I played around with it and it was a lot of fun, although I had no idea what I was doing. For months and months I had been depressed (not sure if that is the right word). I couldn't seem to get out of it. I was praying harder and reading more trying to figure out how the atonement can heal me, how I could be happy again to my fullest that I once was.
My husband and I had grown so much over those past months, because I needed him so much. Another thing that brought us together was this camera of Michelle's. Steven has a love for film. He taught me EVERYTHING about how the camera was used and worked. That brought us even closer together.
Finally in August, a friends brother needed some pictures of his kids but couldn't afford paying for that. Since I had a camera I thought hey that would be neat and I did it for free. I had seriously SOOOOO much fun interacting with his children. When the time came that I gave him the pictures, he LOVED them!! He made his profile picture my picture and he shared my work and told me how he loved the pictures. I felt a happiness that was something I hadn't felt in a while. It brought joy to my heart to see others happy and take appreciate in my work, even if it wasn't that great. I mean he had his profile picture my picture!!!
Not only that but I felt a connection with my sister more than I had since she had passed away! I feel her when I take pictures I guess, is that doctrine? Probably not, but I guess since she loved it, I find I come closer to her.
Here is one of their pictures, I know not good, this was well over a year ago, but seriously I am posting this because it made me SOOO happy back then! Thank you Michael for letting me take these picture, thank you Leanna for suggesting it!
(Just a side note) The gospel and my husband been the BEST thing to help my overcome my challenges, but I believe that photography was a gift from God. I believe it with my heart.
I found so much happiness in that, that I asked a SUPER cute family in my ward to take their picture for free too!
See aren't they just adorable!!! And she made her profile picture my picture!!! I was LIKE WHAT??!!???!?! It made me so happy. Not only that but interacting with their family made me so happy! I think the fact that I was out of the house doing something, that is what helped me so much! She also was very pleased about the pictures. My husband thought I was the best photographer ever! I guess I felt meaning in life again and I just wanted to help people get pictures! Picture brought SOOO MUCH happiness into my life!
Then I had my first paid gig! WHAT!! I could get paid to be happy and see others happy??? WOW! It was for the Lesa family! I coudn't believe it!!! (Thank you Leanna for having me take these!) This is about a year ago.
I have had 90 photo shoots since I started back in August of 2012! Most i've been paid for, some I just ask people if I could take pictures for them! Honestly I have been so grateful! I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who knows my struggles and knows exactly what to do to make me happy or in this case get out of the slumps of disappear. Don't get me wrong, I still have some really hard days missing my sister, sometimes I feel like it still shouldn't be this frequent. But I know with out a doubt I will see her happy face again and I know our relationship will be that much better. We will be together in the eternities making new memories!
I am so grateful for a wonderful husband who has never brought me so much happiness, helped me this much, and made me feel this important. He is seriously my best friend and I could have EVER survived this past year and a half with out him! Yes my sister has been passed away now for nearly a year and a half. It still makes me cry thinking about it. How I will miss her until I see her again. How grateful for the plan of salvation which gives me strength, because I am very weak!
Here are some pictures from this weekends photo shoot of Steven and I! I know my sister is with me every step of the way. She cares about what is going on in my life. I ma so thankful for my guardian angel! Miss you best friend!